unless it's about an amoeba..

XMAS

Magazine subscriptions are ruling holiday presents. It's too bad that Governor Shwarzeneger (sp?) denied Snoop Dogg's plea to change that Crip dude's sentence from death penalty to life in "prizzle." Conan made that joke and kept saying "What eez thees Preezle?" in an Arnold Voice. Try it. You'll love it.

Also: Here is what they are cutting to minimize the deficit: Medicaid, Medicare, Student Loan Subsidies, and Child Support. Oh, and they are promoting marriage. Okay....

Guilty Pleasure: Watched Mona Lisa Smile and liked it. Maybe it was the clothes. And it made smoking look cool and i love / hate when movies do that.

Little thing: They are bringing in Wildlife Experts from government to teach them how to disperse crows in upstate NY.

Big Thing: Essentially President Bush's warrantless phone tapping executive order (9/14/01) is the greatest fear of the creator's of the constitution. In the news today they brought up that since many of the people whose phones have been tapped did not know they were being spied on, they can't press charges. Checks and balances out the window. I think that Federal Judge Robertson who resigned is bueno.

Last thing: New Years Eve is my favorite holiday.

New Years Resolution: Dancing once a week as a cardiovascular workout. Suggestions where?

*Later Beeotch

Maybe this is common knowledge to you, but if you didn't get the chance to read the news:

Things I Learned Reading the NY Times:
1. A fishing village in China protested against an illegal power plant that was going to take their land and pollute it. They made some gradeschool caliber bombs and the government shot at them. Now no one is allowed to talk about it. IN FACT: they are bribing the villagers to pretend all of the bodies with bullet holes are the product of their own bombs. Bribing them 15,000 dollars when they are poor. OH, and if you don't take the bribe they beat the shit out of you. You can't visit family in the hospital and they cut off all communication to Hong Kong, where they are allowed to publish the real story.

2. A Turkish author is being charged for slandering Turkish identity (against the law - including criticizing the state, government, army, etc.). He is a best selling author who is translated in 34 languages in trouble b/c he mentioned the slaughter of a million Armenians in 19 freaking 15 and the deaths of thousands of Kurds since the 1980's. WTF! And they want to be in the EU. Good luck.

3. A guy in Brazil invented the walkman and fought 25 years for the credit.

4. The Republicans and George Bush have been eavesdropping on thousands of conversations without warrants. (Recently-disclosed.) Enough of Congress is filibustering like hell to fight the renewal of the abusive post-9/11 laws. Oh, and I like McKain.

meet me at the crossroads
so you won't be lonely
-Xenia

i am pretty sure that it is just the winter or something. everyday i draw a picture and write one page and i still feel like a bowl of cereal and i don't like cereal so much.

i don't have much faith that things just happen right. but i also can quite be convinced that anyone can make a story out of their life and just write it and rewrite it and fall in love with it or open or close it or add to it.

it must be the winter or something.

JakeDaBake (9:36:38 PM): um
JakeDaBake (9:36:55 PM): hello xenia? this is 5 days ago calling
xeniawhat (9:37:14 PM): um jake i tried to call you five days ago.

JakeDaBake (9:37:19 PM): hahahhaha
JakeDaBake (9:37:21 PM): ahahaha
JakeDaBake (9:37:25 PM): best response ever
xeniawhat (9:37:50 PM): my cigarette smells like a sardine when i light it
xeniawhat (9:38:02 PM): and also i can't stop playing freaking snood.
JakeDaBake (9:38:11 PM): its prounounced snode
JakeDaBake (9:38:21 PM): or snud
xeniawhat (9:38:33 PM): if anyone corrects my online pronunciation anymore

xeniawhat (9:38:44 PM): i am just going to have to enroll myself in some sort of course.
xeniawhat (9:38:51 PM): or private lessons. i bet gallatin has it.
JakeDaBake (9:38:54 PM): and someone should tell you
JakeDaBake (9:39:01 PM): its double u teee efff
xeniawhat (9:39:25 PM): i want to go to germany for the world cup.
xeniawhat (9:39:57 PM): and fill it with beer

xeniawhat (9:40:01 PM): and flowers
JakeDaBake (9:40:05 PM): is that euphemism
xeniawhat (9:40:09 PM): and call it beergarden 2006
xeniawhat (9:40:33 PM): and when i get to the world cup match, i'm going to say i'm from "the melting pot"
xeniawhat (9:40:41 PM): but not the breadbasket part of the metling pot
xeniawhat (9:40:46 PM): nor the dustbowl
xeniawhat (9:41:09 PM): then i'm going to ask many people who don't play english to go to the pub and play never have I ever.
xeniawhat (9:41:30 PM): say: meupha-yism outloud

xeniawhat (9:41:35 PM): i dare you not to laugh
xeniawhat (9:41:57 PM): mis dat a meupheu-yism?
xeniawhat (9:42:16 PM): what do you call it when a cow beats around the bush

xeniawhat (9:42:22 PM): a moo-pheumism
“JakeDaBake” signed off at 9:43:24 PM.

If you're scared, that's your problem.

Musician Bums

Brian said that Wesley Willis inspired a whole new generation of "musician bums" to stop buying crack and buy casios.

And promote them.

Happy Beerday
My friend Brian is moving in with me if he pasts an exam for a school he wants to go to tomorrow. He is my friend my middle school and highschool.

Today he went with me to my father's birthday party.

My dad my mom moved to Jersey City because it's closer to their offices. It cuts the commute something like 80%. But what you don't know is that their building is like a dorm room and their friends always knock on the door to see what they are doing. They are having a huge Xmas party.

My dad's cake was chocolate chip and had blue icing that read "Mr. V. Happy Beerday." Apparently my dad loves brandy.
And my mom started taking sips of red wine.

CONTAINER

X Strikes Again

Nightmare


I had a nightmare that I had some sort of bugs crawling everywhere and the person who told me was more disgusted than concerned. Then someone said the word nightmare to me in a wake up phone call, and I remembered how big those scary bugs were. I think this is a combination of me being sad about something minging with a memory I have of a Home Moview Episode where all the kids get checked for lice. Any psychoanalysis welcome.

A beautiful album cover

WHERE'S XALDO ? Interactive Fun

Can you find her? Where is she? Why did her mom dress her like that? Is that why she wears all that junk now? First one who answers all questions correctly gets to come over my house and go on a hay ride with me. Hey (As in Heh-ay Girlfriend, my baby daddy been done had a job.)

DOROTHY TEN TEN AND JULIEANNE



Hello universe and vast oceans of people cruising this page. I am on the right here in this geometric wonder of a sweatshirt. It turns out I suck at html and I wish all of these letters were at least 36 pt. Can someone help me with that? Wait, I just made it a teeny bit bigger now.

It should be known that I wish all of my friends read my freaking blog. And I will tell you why,too. Because I am always working at my new job and I want everyone who loves the internet to be in on my secret life, which you will find out if you cruise my blog like a magic eye poster.

I am going to lay down now.

Tomorrow we are having a party. I realized I don't know how to hang around and do nothing anymore. I used to be good at it. Now I am a little sucky at it. I want to go to the big ass lake in Prospect Park and retrace my steps so I can understand how I got to this point in my life and recuperate happily and steadily into being able to always take a rocket ship to the top of the atmosphere and see myself a long time ago, walking slowly up to this very point. I figured this picture was a good starting point.

The Circles

Soon after the forest fires were put out, I gathered my belongings and went to find Jonathan. I told him that in an emergency he should sit near the water near the rock under the shade where we used to spend our time.

He knew what that meant because we had done it so many times that we did not need proper nouns.

Jonathan and I met in a shopping center. We bumped into each other while we were browsing the frozen broccoli. You would be surprised at the difference in prices. I tripped on a piece of ice that was melting.

Ice is always doing that.

Melting.

That's what he said. And then we fell in love to a bucket of fried chicken. And then we fell out of love during a forest fire. But we still knew how to worry about each other and it was good that we had a plan for an emergency and when I found him by the water near the rock under the shade where we used to spend our time, I began to think about emergencies.

I began to think about what happens to love when you can see the end at the end of a hallway. When time becomes visible and you see it walking away from you all the time. Everything felt urgent and sudden and I was swallowed by the idea that this was it.

What I Learned at Fashion Week


Every year UPS sponsors ten upcoming designers. In September, they show spring and summer collections. This is the best guy they picked. {Left pics.) If you care, his name is Gary Graham and he is way cute.



























On the left here is a tiny girl's dresses: the Doo Ri line. She is way cool. And on the right is a Heatherette Outfit. They are way outlandish. They send models out in a v-formation and shit. Ain't nobody doing that.






I covered these shows in a fashion blog: zoozoom.com Check it the F out.

Lastly, I would like to say that I took a shitload of pictures and not a one of them are really up in this piece because they are not very good.

Here are a few sentences of Xenia writing for you:

I left the party early.
This was a decision I made.
Sometimes I see the color white and I feel sorry for myself.
And then I hear a good song and it is okay.
I would not find it strange or surprising if I found out I was wrong about everything.
Everything meaning, if I found out I was not five foot one,
that I had never been in love,
that I did not like red meat,
that I was not that sympathetic after all.
No, I wouldn't be surprised.

Takes One to Know One Trent and My Dad are getting to be better and better friends

Riv1208: MP3 exclusive to all up and coming bands (amateur).- I have at least 2 nephews palying 2 different bands..but you have to be very selective.
Two Lb E: are they good?
Riv1208: I just saw the band of Xenia;s cousin in last Sunday's newspaper winning first place in the battle of the Bands in Philly.,
Two Lb E: that soudns good. do they have a website?
Riv1208: i am not sure..but most probably not..I can ask.
Two Lb E: ok, i'd like to hear them
Two Lb E: see if the talent runs in the family
Riv1208: sure did ran away from me.
Two Lb E: that's ok, are you good at karaoke?
Riv1208: you some kind of psychic?
Riv1208: only when i am drunk
Riv1208: and it takes a lot to get me drunk
Two Lb E: but when you're drunk, you're REALLY good right
Riv1208: how would i know...i was drunk
Two Lb E: gotcha, maybe next time you should get someone to tape it
Riv1208: i m an oldie...nobody wants to tape or even listen to an oldie....the last time I sang publicly was on...
Riv1208: police station ..after i was given the nth degree.,
Two Lb E: look if you ever go out to karaoke with me i'll make sure to bring a camera
Riv1208: and they all the persons I sang to the police about were all arrested.,
Two Lb E: so it worked
Riv1208: it took a while for me to stay under the witness protection program
Two Lb E: did you have to wear a mask
Two Lb E: or just move to australia
Riv1208: not really...talk to you later..gotta go to a meeting

Trent and Romeo Do the Internet A Madcap Romp through "the world wide web"


First: My dad posted this comment on trent's blog about kentucky sans name:
" At 4:52 PM, Anonymous said…
What's going to Kentucky without Fried Chicken?"

Then dad replied to Trent's hello like THIS: At 4:54 PM, RIV said…

Oldies but bloggies...Hello to you too

This is what ensued:

Riv1208: Hey...
Two Lb E: How's it going? Thanks for the blog comment
Riv1208: supposed to be anon
Riv1208: but welcome
Riv1208: Was that you in the picture in Kentucky?
Two Lb E: on the steps? yeah that's me.
Riv1208: never had a chance to meet you yet...
Two Lb E: I know, I'm sad. Xenia said i should come and visit soon
Riv1208: If only for Xenias toochache..I would have been to the concert....her teeth has a mind of its own
Riv1208: wisdom tooth is a misnomer
Two Lb E: I know, I was really sad we couldn't do the show. I think we'll do another one soon on another monday, we just have to figure out enough time to practice
Riv1208: looking forward to it...
Two Lb E: has xenia given you our new song yet? it's our best yet
Riv1208: No..actually she never gave me any of the songs...I stole it from her....I'll try to steal the new one next time I see her..
Two Lb E: good idea
Riv1208: she's too busy these days...that;s what she said.
Two Lb E: yeah I agree

It should also be noted that I am thinking of changing the title of my blog to: "Thanks for Reading my Blog, trent and Jake"

Smashin Week

I met this guy at the Bryant Park tents. I would like to know where the hell he got this suit.

today my best friend sang end of the road by boys to men at alligator lounge and i burnt my hand from holding my lighter for so long.

also i almost got run over by a truck because i lost my footing on my very small bike
also. burrito... mmm. sushi yum. pizza. yessssss....

Uh.. and also Jake, you should note This I think I saw Dan Rottenstreich somewhere on this page.

photo examples of jerk cats: Jake said he hoped his cat was not one of those "jerk cats" in one of his posts. So I did some research. Is any one of these cats your cats? If so, you have one of "those jerk cats."

Story

i used to sit on the front steps of my house. i started doing this when i was twelve years old and i would look at the people walking by and start to think of what sort of things would make them cry. With Mr. Gary, the only thing I could think of was if his cat died.

Mr. Gary had no children and no wife, but he did have a cat, named Crinkle and he would yell her name in the middle of the night if she went missing. And she always went missing on trash night. If my dad heard Mr. Gary yelling Crinkle, he would ask me if I had taken the garbage out. I almost always had, but even if I said I did, my dad made me draw the purple curtains open and show him the trash bags sitting on the curb. And it would make me mad, because I hated those purple curtains more than anything. To touch them made me feel sick.

In any case, one day, of course, Mr. Gary went screaming Crinkle up and down the street. Except that on this particular night, he didn't stop. He just kept yelling. My dad kept asking me to open up the curtains and see the trash bag. It was very strange because my dad was not too old at the time, but he kept acting as if he had no idea I had already thrown that bag out there.

I slowly realized that my father was going crazy at a very young age. There are a number of factors I could think of to explain this. It might have been the fact that my mom had decided she would make spaghetti every single day and then switch over to say, meatloaf, and then make that every single day for a week... It might have been Mr. Gary's screaming and screaming.
If I were less fair, I would say it was the doing of those purple curtains, but that is wishful thinking.

I think it's just the way things go. You go on auto-pilot. You wake up in the morning, you brush your teeth. You hear your alarm, you hit the snooze button. My dad heard crinkle and he wanted to see the garbage out on the curb.

Since that night I have been wary of how I wake up in the morning. Of what makes me cry. Of purple. Of missing pets. Of patterns. Or fathers. Of love. Of sitting down. I have been wary of being awake.

Sinus Infeck Yourself

I moved out of Manhattan on Wednesday and have only been sleeping something like three - five hours a night.








This is the sky I moved away from.














This is the window I do not look out of anymore.













Except that this is all very melodramatic because I know the people who moved into the apartment and I can go there whenever I want.


Now I am f'in sick and f'in sad. All of my roomates went to the beach, but I stayed here because I have not been alone for six days and it is drivin me nuts. (Not pirate slang.)

Let me tell you something. I walked into my new house (I love my new house) and this is what was left of my packing:

That's right folks... That's a care bear in an ash tray and a hello kitty who hello-face planted. Oh, and an orange lion named Art who seems to just be copying off of the HK, which is why I have less sympathy. (Artsy Fartsy performance.) Don't tell Mark Deutsch (owner of CB) or my dad (donator of HK). Or Jessica (Art's psychologist.)

On a serious note, I have been feeling terribly irritable and I have a hard time being a nice person. I have found only one thing to help me so far: getting Frozen capuccino's at Cafe Capri on Graham Avenue (thank you Sky) and this:

Paul Klee's Artwork

As If You Aren't Headed There, Too Story

when i was little i used to understand the rain and when it fell it would make me feel like i wasn't alone. then i got older and i realized we were all alone and it was harder for me to be nice. when i was walking on the sidewalk yesterday, things came to me with a new relish, as if i had just awaken from a dream. i began to see that although all human beings are innocent, some are uglier than others. meaning... it is hard to be fair when you see a man with a nice hat kick his dog while watering his plants early in the morning. and that my grandmother still lives in a different dimension than the rest of the world for me, so that even when she is too self-concerned to go to my aunt's funeral, I can't get mad.

Let me explain.

You talk a lot about old people. It becomes funny that someone is old. as if they didn't come from being young. as if you're not headed there, too. lola, well, she's afraid to be alone. she's afraid to fall down the stairs because she did once, and she broke her leg. she's so afraid that when her son lost his wife to cancer, she didn't climb up or down the stairs at all. she didn't go to the funeral. he forgave her. that's what dimension she lives in.

maybe i need to slow down.

if life is about loss, then we're all right. but it's not about that.

let's think about this

nobody sits and contemplates how happy he is his wife came home after work last night. wife comes home one night, then another night. It's probably all right with husband that she comes home, but no reason to jump up and down. Unless you are one of the lucky people.

my friend megan's parents used to hold hands in the minivan when they gave us rides to the movie theater. i was in the sixth grade and had never seen two parents do that. it confused me really. mostly because megan's dad looked just like our science teacher, mr. merkle. but secondly, i didn't understand what they were so happy about.

i say love is disgruntled. i say love is when my mom wakes up at four a.m. and yells at my dad to get a move on and packs all of his shirts and irons them. i say love is when my dad walks ahead of my mom on the sidewalk and she gives up trying to catch up to him because she's so small. i say love is mailbox. a toaster. counting backwards. the in-between.

i say new love isn't love. it's the top of a downhill slope. in the beginning it's easy to want to do things for each other. loneliness will save up all sorts of generous impulses, and then you find someone you think is all right or at least better than the last one, and you've been alone for so long, you can't stop buying records, or making t-shirts, or bringing donuts, or writing songs. and then times passes, and what you have left is a shortage of generosity. and it goes back again. and you start again. and you get tired. and you leave yourself for awhile. and you're at the bottom of the uphill again and you need to lose the other person if your'e ever going to make it back up there.

but handholding for thirty years isn't love either. it's luck. it's miraculous and divine. it's a geiser. it's a blue insect. it's twilight. it's something else. it's not love.

love is dad making the waitress uncomfortable so his kids can laugh and eventually get sick of it and laugh anyway. love is a long train ride home. love is a shortage of a changing list of things. love is trampling on someone's backyard and screaming.

handholding is too sane for love.

love isn't rain. i had once understood rain. i only know what love isn't.

we can talk about it like it's funny. the way we talk about old people. like love didn't come from all the things that have happened to us. to anyone. like we're not headed there, too.

I don't write anymore

I first experimented with the idea of revealing so much about my life that people were uncomfortable being my friend, just knowing that every time I had any feeling at all, someone could read it on the internet. Saying things like, "I can't believe he did that. He's such a loser."

Then I thought of writing stories on the internet in order to keep myself going. Things like:
And the grasshopper was not sure why he had come into the house, but now he couldn't find his way out. He knew his death was coming.

Then I thought of doing what normal people do on blogs. Whatever that means. Something like:
I really like it when people snore and I am not kidding.

i F'd up a bunch of times. See...

Wisdom Teeths

First of all, Tara did something awesome


I just got my wisdom teeth out: The oral surgeon's assistant and I miscommunicated so she ended up wishing me good luck on having a baby. "If you want it, God will give it to you," she said.

Meet Fiona: She is the most sensitive dog I have ever met in my life, and I don't mind picking up her poop for money.

That is my day so far. Do you think it is wrong to eat this Edamame on my face? (Answer = Nope)

Seee....

Tara's pictures from her hostel adventure of the West Coast.

Mashed Potatoes and Boston



I am in boston right now. I am moving into a house in greenpoint and I couldn't be more excited. I wish I didn't like taking pictures of myself from the side, but it's true ladies and gentlemen, i am both sideways and full of myself.


Guys... I want to start writing again. I am going to write a movie in four months from now. Also... where did everyone go? Will you visit me in my new brooklyn house and we can have fun and finger paint?

Also.. I am still in "Trent and Xenia." Don't f-in forget it.....
Also.. how do you make really really really good mashed potatoes. Matt suggested sour cream.
P.s. if ya'll want to come to Fort Greene between now and Sunday to meet a really cool dog, then bring some movies and prepare for Chipmunk Xenia sans four wisdom teeth....

Love Love Love Love Love.

My friend Aaron hired a personal asst. to do his laundry and it happens to be his best friend. Yes or No? What do you think. COMMENTS PLEASE

BOAT KIDS: Sitcom Promo


Before and After I.







Before and After II.

BEST BUDS

Photo Essay











I CAN'T STOP.









Me Neither.















Duh.













Yeah, I know right.











There's more where that come from: Hell.